Transforming Therapy and Coaching With 4 Key Words


The phrase “If I let myself” is a powerful tool for helping therapists and coaches get instantly focused on the right thing in your work.

In this short video, Alun Parry, the author of “How to Remove Trauma Response,” discusses how this phrase can be used to understand and address emotional learnings.

Alun explains that when working with clients, he often uses the phrase “If I let myself” to explore the hidden reasons behind their emotional struggles. He gives an example of someone who has low self-esteem and a negative inner voice that constantly berates them. By asking, “If I let myself have good self-esteem and think positive things about me, then what?” we can quickly find why this problem stays so stubbornly alive.

The key idea behind this phrase is to assume that the current problem, no matter how difficult or detrimental it may be, makes sense. Alun emphasizes the importance of understanding the underlying prediction or emotional learning that supports the problem. By asking “If I let myself,” he encourages clients to explore why their current struggle is so essential, even though they don’t want it.

This approach allows therapists and coaches to shift the focus from trying to power through the problem or force change, to instead understanding the functionality of the problem. He acknowledges that trying to power through can be exhausting and often results in a battle with the individual’s own nervous system, which is primed to keep them safe. Instead, by asking “If I let myself,” we redirect attention to the core issue and the reasons behind its persistence.

Alun gives another example of someone who experiences social anxiety and desires to freely mingle at parties without an anxious response. By asking “If I let myself go and mingle with those people, what then?” he prompts the exploration of the underlying prediction driving the social anxiety. This approach enables a quicker understanding of the functionality of the problem.

There is much more to learn about this (and other) approaches in The Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy.

The phrase “If I let myself” serves as a valuable tool for therapists and coaches alike, allowing for a deeper understanding of emotional struggles and putting focus on the right place for effective change.

In summary, the phrase “If I let myself, then what?” is a powerful tool for understanding and addressing emotional learnings. By using this phrase, therapists can explore the underlying predictions and emotional learnings that support an individual’s struggles.

This approach shifts the focus from trying to power through the problem or focusing too much on the problem itself. Instead, we seek to understand its functionality. By delving into the reasons behind the persistence of the problem, therapists and coaches can discover the prediction that needs to be updated using memory reconsolidation. The result is permanent, transformational change.

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